Insecurities

As I gazed into the mirror. Looking at all my faults staring right back at me. Wishing I could change my hair, my nose, the shape of my face, or to lose a few pounds that I’ve gained since starting my new job. I know some of its nonsense and I should be happy in my own skin. But, sometimes a whisper of “why can’t I be more pretty?”

Insecurities. Everyone seems to be plagued with some. And it’s an old “friend” of mine that never leaves me. I can remember wishing when I was younger, how I wanted to be blond and popular and fit in with all the other beautiful girls. I wanted to look just like them so badly. But, I’m different. Not blond and curvy. But dark headed and slender. I wasn’t your typical looking girl. My eyes are slightly slanted. But, my eyes gives away my mixed heritage. My mother is Caucasian and my father is of Asian descent.

Growing up I was picked on and teased. I hated the way I looked. And would pray every night, that God would make me look different. Be different. Just to change one or two things. But, my prayers were not answered. And today, I’m grateful for that. I like being different. True. Sometimes, the insecurities creeps back in, and I start to hear the whispers. And I’ll tell myself, I’m wonderful just the way I am. My husband finds me beautiful and attractive. Wonders how he ever got so lucky as to have me in his life. I feel really ridiculous saying this to my reflection. But, it helps. It doesn’t help immediately. But slowly over time. It gets better. I’m still a work in progress. Now, my prayers are for my family, friends, people in need of his care and for acceptance and peace.

Changes

In one moment, you can change everything. Whether that’s for the good or the bad, is yet to be discovered.

And I made a big change. I worked 8 years for a company to suddenly find myself accepting another opportunity elsewhere. A completely different avenue.

And now, I find myself starting a blog. Something I have never done before or anything like it. I’m not a great writer. I’ll probably make a lot of mistakes and hundreds of run on sentences. Well, hopefully it won’t be that bad.

But here’s to change and taking leaps of faith